Comments on: Everyday Faith and Depression

By: Liz

Liz — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 16:03:42 +0000

“As the answers came, I discovered that my depression stemmed from not honoring my authentic desires and seeking approval from others at the expense of my soul.”

Yes and yes. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder around age 30, after years of trying to self-medicate with achievements, relationships, and drugs. During my first year clean I became suicidal: all my “coping mechanisms” (read: avoidance mechanisms) had been used up, and the thought of facing myself and my pain was too much for me to process. I was put on anti-depressants, entered therapy, and got rehabilitated… well, at least enough to hold down a job, maintain some relationships, and not kill myself. I was able to show up for life, and that was a big deal.

It went OK in my serotonin-enhanced cocoon for five years. And then I started to get restless. I got curious about what was inside of me. I was ready to get rid of the buffer between me and my emptiness. In therapy I had been able to look at my past and my issues and to understand them intellectually, but I was not able to access the feelings that would have allowed me to get past them.

It was not easy. It was terrifying. I cried a lot. I had panic attacks. I hid under the covers sometimes because I just couldn’t deal. But I didn’t have to be hospitalized and I didn’t die. It wasn’t until the meds went that I was able to get into that emptiness, look around, get familiar with the landscape, and kind of become friends with it. It wasn’t even as infinite as I had thought it was; it had just been unfamiliar. Like you, I had always lived to please others. I had lost touch with myself so long ago that I had no idea what I even needed or wanted in life. How could someone so out of touch with her true self feel anything but depressed? Who wouldn’t be willing to hurt or even kill off a false self? That’s murder, not suicide.

I work hard to stay off meds. I didn’t realize that I had let the meds do a lot of the work for me. They promise a “safety net,” and they do deliver on the promise. This is life with no net. Like others have posted, I have to stay physically active, I have to stay connected to people, and I have to keep up a spiritual practice (I meditate for 30 minutes a day.) It’s time-consuming to stay well, but so worth it. While anti-depressants may have saved my life initially, saved me from stopping my own heartbeat when I was not yet ready to become conscious, getting off them is what has saved my “real” life, my inner life, the life of my authentic self.

By: Iman Hypolite, MD

Iman Hypolite, MD — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 13:49:42 +0000

I am a psychiatrist, and I just have to commend you for your journey through depression and your search for greater depths of faith. You have chosen a challenging path; but the benefits far outweigh the risks! Medications and psychotherapy are essential for many to overcome depression, but I wish more people were also willing to do the personal work necessary to overcome their depression. I wish more people were willing to recognize and admit that the emptiness they feel actually is deoression and/or anxiety (stress). With that said, I know this can be extremely frightening and overwhelming for many. Overcoming depression is way more than just the right pill. Depression is a complex constellation of a number of factors that can be emotional, biochemical, medical, familial, environmental, social, etc. At least to a small degree, it usually begins years before people even become aware of it. As a result, it can and often takes years to appreciate substantial improvements. The ‘remedy’ for depression is as complex as its origins and will greatly vary from one person to the other. There is no fool proof, 100% guarenteed ‘fix’ for it. There will be blips in the road along the way. The ‘fix’ involves refocusing your thoughts and actions to those that are loving and hopeful and positive. It is a gradual arrival to a greater sense of overall fulfillment, more good days than bad, and greater strength/skill to recognize and overcome it. For some people medications and therapy are absolutely necessary. I do not mean to minimize their import! However, best outcomes include a personal journey of self discovery and self awareness. Whatever is in one’s ‘toobox’ (I love your analogy), it’s about the day by day and even moment to moment experience. Yes, it can be painful, but it is a beautiful journey. I’ve witnessed it! Mrs Haupt, I pray for your continued healing and discovery. Keep up this great work, and continue sharing. You bless yourself and others by doing so!

I wish the use of the following disclaimer were not necessary, but we live in a litigious society. Here goes, this posting should not be intended for use or seen as treatment. It is simply my opinion. Consult an MD for treatment recommendations. Warm Regards, Dr Hypolite

By: Almost Slowfood

Almost Slowfood — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 02:27:56 +0000

Jen, so sorry it took me so long to comment on this incredibly touching and thought-provoking post. I have some loved ones who battle depression and, while I haven’t experienced it myself, I’ve seen firsthand how difficult it is. How wonderful you’ve followed your your own path and that it’s working out for you.

By: Joanne

Joanne — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 14:27:37 +0000

Such an inspirational post and one that will help many, I’m sure. There’s a line of poetry somewhere – I think it may be from “The Prophet” but I’m not sure – that our sorrows and joys come from the same well. I thought of this instantly when I read, “I had a resounding hunch that if I could feel this depth of pain, I could also feel a greater depth of contentment.” That really resonates for me.

By: Kim Williamson

Kim Williamson — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 02:18:28 +0000

Jennifer,
Thank you for your honesty. Yours is such an insightful account of the sad disease.

By: Sarah E. Ludwig

Sarah E. Ludwig — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 20:27:57 +0000

I’ve struggled with depression on and off for years too. When my now-ex-husband had his affair 6 years ago, I had just started on antidepressants several weeks beforehand. For the past few years, I had been on 2 of them to cope with everything.

About 4-5 months ago, my doctor took me off of the main one, the one with the highest dose. It’s amazing how much better I feel. Even though I’m still on an antidepressant, it’s a relatively low dose. While I was on both of them, I was emotionally numb. Though it has been at times difficult to feel everything so acutely, I truly believe it’s better and more truthful to feel my feelings instead of burying them inside the numbness.

Thanks for this post. I’m going to try some of your strategies, like journaling. I’d like to go off my last medication soon.

By: Meredith Resnick - The Writer's [Inner] Journey

Meredith Resnick - The Writer's [Inner] Journey — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 02:25:17 +0000

I think a lot of people will benefit from your honesty. And it’s always a relief to let go of the burden of carrying something around inside. So everyone benefits.

By: Deb R

Deb R — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 00:20:32 +0000

Thank you so much for this frank and honest post. I have been and still am in shoes like yours, and still take meds. I often wonder if I could just throw them all away, and stop for a few days, but then start to spiral down again, and realize that giving up these meds might not be the right decision for me. But, I do try alternate therapies, yoga, meditation, etc. which often help. I am reminded of my favorite quotes, “It doesn’t have to be hard”.

By: Kristen J. Gough

Kristen J. Gough — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 21:34:27 +0000

Your honesty here is refreshing. I’ve found that how I start my day really makes a difference. You mention writing in your journal that’s a great idea. I say my prayers in the morning and then try to get outside–whether to walk the dog or to go on a run. Just being outside helps me see, and even feel, the bigger picture. Problems don’t seem so big or important. Beautiful post.

By: Billie

Billie — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 21:15:35 +0000

Jennifer, you’re an inspiration and one of the unexpected joys that I’m grateful for today. I visited your blog expecting some light commentary on the writing life, and discovered instead a beacon offering real guidance for an issue I struggle with, deny, ignore, and … deny. Thank you for sharing new tools and explaining how to use them!